Survival kit by Saboralioli
You are now living in one of the most expensive cities in the world. This means that you now have to release previous financial attitudes like ‘Well this toothpaste is only $2 more expensive…so it must be better.’ Ha! It’s hilarious that you even think you can AFFORD toothpaste! To help other wondering ducklings on their big city adventure, I have crafted the following list of my top tips for coin saving and general jungle survival. Side note: A city which has cleverly named its opera house The Sydney Opera House and its harbour Sydney Harbour misleadingly hints towards simplicity. Au contraire, polar bear, side step that crusty hobo and follow me.
- Congratulations! You’re broke! Welcome to the world of public transport. You will now intentionally catch trains after 9am because you save a whole dollar! Pfft personal space. Who cares that it’s 10am on a Saturday and you’re schlepping your luggage onto a bus because you are relocating from temporary accommodation to your new longer term temporary accommodation. You take up that bus aisle and hold your head high mighty duckling!
- When submitting resumes to bookstores, do not let your sole purchase be a book titled ‘How not to read.’ You have enough competition; don’t make things easier for them.
- Now that you’re a public transport rat, chances are you are going to be doing a lot more walking. FUN! This requires appropriate attire like jeans and boots. Only it’s summer and you are flicking out resumes to every cafe, clothing store and 7/11 in the hopes some one will pick you, and maybe then you could buy essentials like soap and anti-dandruff shampoo.Spend a good 15 minute drying out before handing your ‘pick me’ essay to the already (smugly) employed barista.
- Do not under any circumstances divulge any payment agreement made between you and the duty manager to other (not so smugly) employee baristas. In fact complete vagueness in response to just about every question is preferred.
- Do not buy $11 Organic Coconut Oil.
- Do not buy $6 Organic Coconut Oil. $5 Olive oil is now a splurge item. Your new cooking oil is now the dregs of water as the bottom of the kettle.
- Goggle map will mock you and your blind faith—‘but I followed the blue line to the red dot and there was no Boost Juice here!’
- Also do not trust iPhone weather. I mean really….
- Apparently $4.50 for a chi tea consisting of 150ml of boiling water, and a teabag (not lose leaf), is now considered reasonable. Just buy a small coffee for $4, it’s made on cow mucus, which is apparently cheaper than water.
- You will most likely get conflicting information from everyone you speak to.
‘Yes there are application forms at the front counter.’
‘No sorry all application forms are online and the forms are only for volunteers, and our volunteers are mostly,’
*looks over half-rim bifocals*
‘high school student…’
This conflicting information also extended to Goggle who informs me that;
- no buses travel from Wynyard to Pyrmont
- K line from Wynyard will take you to Pyrmont but not on Sundays
- K line’s Sunday service operate every 45 minute from 6am until 9pm
- Do you mean Paramount?